No exercise equals a cloudy mind

I missed three days of walking and can definitely tell that it has impacted my mood and mind.  I feel sort of down and my thinking is muddled.

For me, this is a reminder that I need to exercise primarily for the antidepressant effects of physical activity rather than for fitness benefits.  Greater fitness is nice, but seeing mental changes day-to-day based on whether I exercise is more motivating because the feedback is so immediate.  Bodies, on the other hand, do not (visibly) change immediately.

My weight, two months before my due date

I weigh about 259 pounds right now.  My home scale has been reading between 258 and 260 for over a week.  The doctor's office scale is always within a couple of pounds of my home scale.

Back in April, just days after I conceived, I weighed 255.  So over the past (almost) seven months, my weight went from 255 down to the 240s and then back up again to where it is now, a net gain of about 5 pounds so far.  This all happened gradually and naturally, without me doing much to manipulate my weight besides making an effort to curtail binge eating behaviors.

What I'm working on right now, at 31 weeks pregnant

Because it's unwise to set big weight loss goals during pregnancy and breastfeeding, these are my aims right now:

1.  Avoid gaining excessive weight in pregnancy, and avoid gaining (any) weight during breastfeeding.
2.  Become less eating disordered and more of a normal healthy eater.

My eating is screwy in many different ways, and I've tried comprehensive overhauls in the past that always fell apart in short order.  This time, I'm accumulating normal eating "skills" slowly by working on just a few areas at a time. I think pregnancy taking away any weight loss goal for the near future is what is allowing this shift towards a slow-and-steady philosophy.  What's happening right now:

Half physical, half mental

The distinction we make between the physical and the mental is problematic on several levels, but I'm going to go ahead and talk as though it's a straightforward matter.

When I'm eating regular, nutritious, satisfying meals made from real food (i.e. when I'm cooking for myself regularly), my desire to binge goes way way down.  My cravings for desserts are manageable instead of monstrous.

This won't surprise many people, but it surprises me.

Keeping perspective

When I start thinking "how can I cook and exercise today when the house needs cleaning SO badly, the car needs servicing, I need to mail that stuff off?" I know that I've lost perspective.

The house exists to serve me, not the other way around.

The car exists to serve me, not the other way around.

The errands are completed to serve my life; I don't live to complete errands.  I don't live to serve the dry cleaner, the post office, the bank, the store.

It's empowering to put things in their place!  The biggest challenge is keeping them there...