I've been here before

Sunday, December 4 food log:

2 scrambled eggs, mixed leafy greens, and an orange
pb & j on wheat
pork chop with warm apple-cabbage slaw
oatmeal
mug of tea
too much ciabatta bread with butter
bowl of cheerios

This evening I just couldn't get satisfied and kept reaching for the one thing that always eggs hunger and craving on further: carbs. Frustrating!

But I'm not going to get all down on myself. I've been in this place enough times before to recognize what's going on, and this time, I'm going to handle it differently.

When I stop binging on sugary foods, even for just a few days, I feel extra hungry and crave-y. I would estimate that eliminating the daily binge shaves off anywhere from 500-2000 calories that my body is used to having, typically late in the day. That's a big adjustment, and it's no surprise that I succumb to the bread and cold cereal when I'm only a few days into the change. There's a whole lot going on with sugar, insulin, and my brain chemistry, as well.

What has happened many times in the past is that I get mad at myself for replacing pints of ice cream with bowls of cereal, I don't give myself enough time to build new habits, and I have no patience for my body's desire to adjust to fewer calories gradually. I berate myself for my meal choices (there is always something to criticize!) and for not being a super dieter all-around. I expect too much too soon, and fail to live up to those expectations.

AND THEN I GIVE UP, AND GO BACK TO BINGING.

I don't want to do that this time! I want to love myself down the scale, not hate myself there. I'm in this for the long haul and I have a realistic goal set. I'd like to reach 200 by my 30th birthday at the end of next summer. And then I'd like to stay there awhile to give myself time to adjust and time to practice maintaining a stable weight.

There are so many aspects of my eating that need to be changed, but it can't all happen overnight. Cutting down on the desserts is a great first step. If I can prevent December from becoming a month-long binge on packaged holiday "treats", that itself is a vast improvement over every other December I can remember!

Keeping that in mind, some things that might help me going forward:

bigger meals (focused on protein and veg);
a fourth meal late at night;
or having the right kinds of snacks on hand, like boiled eggs and celery with no-sugar peanut butter;
more water