Monday, September 10, 2012

Having a girl, and doing girly things!

I'm 24 weeks along, and we found out about a month ago that we are having a little girl!  I thought--or perhaps hoped--we were having a boy; my relationship with my mother is problematic and on some level I thought a boy would be "easier."  I'm happy to say that excitement over a girl quickly grew and my husband and I are both happy and eager to meet her.  We've chosen a name and I look forward to starting on her nursery in mid-October.

We are travelling out of state in early October to attend the baby shower my family is throwing for us, so I'm trying to choose an outfit for the occasion.  Plus-size maternity shopping is not an easy task, I can assure you!  I just bought two pairs of maternity jeans from Destination Maternity and I have a couple of maternity tops from Target in XXL, their largest size, that I typically wear with cardigans.  I also have a couple of casual cotton empire waist dresses.  That's pretty much it.  Hope that can see me through to December!  I'm mostly at home, so that helps.

Perhaps because my clothing options are so limited, or perhaps because I know I need something to boost my confidence while I get larger (I'm now just over 250 pounds again and I think the number will only climb from here...hopefully slowly), my attention has turned to makeup and hair.  It's been a long time since I've bought anything or put any effort forth in that area.  For so long, I've felt ugly and undeserving of it.  I have a bunch of baggage and history pertaining to hair/makeup/body image/beauty/identity that I will maybe unpack in future blog posts.  For now, let me simply state that I want to get over my hangups and "work what I've got", and I want to teach my daughter to do the same.  I know firsthand how damaging it is to have a mother that models self-hatred and body/appearance-related insecurity to her daughters.

So, I've allowed myself to make a bunch of purchases recently.  First, I bought something I've always wanted: a vanity table and stool.  I've lusted for over 4 years after a particular mirrored vanity set from Pier 1 that costs over $500.  I kept holding out for it, imagining how great it would look in my bedroom.  Well, in the end, I decided that I'd rather use some of that money on quality cosmetics, which I've never owned.  I've always used cheap drugstore makeup.  So I went ahead and ordered a basic set from Target (the Avington vanity in black plus a matching stool, for about $250) and I'm quite pleased with it.  I set it up in front of my bedroom window and can finally apply makeup in natural light once again.  I had been leaning uncomfortably over my bathroom sink or standing in my dingy closet in front of the full length mirror until now.

I've never had a nicer setup or felt so relaxed putting on my makeup.

Because the mirror is too far away from my face when I'm seated normally, and because I needed something that would allow me to apply makeup at night, I also bought a lighted stand mirror from Conair for $60 to place on top of the table.  One side has 10X magnification and the other side is normal, and it plugs in so I don't have to mess with batteries.

I purchased a cheap, flat, plastic handheld mirror for viewing the back of my head, a new hairdryer (old one stopped working), and a set of large hot rollers for creating volume in my flat-at-the-roots hair.  The rollers were probably a mistake because I can't roll all of my hair with the set, so I will probably return it and buy a bigger set.  In addition, I purchased some new makeup, but none of the premium brand stuff yet.  I'm still researching all of that.  I suspect I need higher quality foundation, powder, concealer, eye shadow, eye pencil, and primers, but can get away with drugstore lipcolor, mascara, and nail polish.  There are SO many products out there and so many reviews to sort through that I find it a bit overwhelming, but I will gradually figure out what works for me and how to apply it.

I'll review my current makeup stash in the next post and I welcome makeup advice and recommendations from anyone out there that knows what they are talking about!