Monday, April 30, 2012

Fat, pregnant, barefoot, quiet

My weight is holding pretty steady and I don't feel any increase in appetite so far.  Besides some fatigue and lower back pain and changes to my sleep patterns (I now get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, which is quite foreign to me), nothing much has changed at all.

There's lots I'd like to say about the timing of this pregnancy and how grateful I feel for discovering Brain Over Binge before getting pregnant and how relieved I am that I lost 20 pounds before getting pregnant and how I hope I don't gain more than that throughout this process, and so on...but all that ease I expressed in my last post has disappeared.  Anonymous or not, now I don't really want to talk about my pregnancy until I reach a certain number of weeks, and have an ultrasound that confirms a heartbeat, and all the rest!  So I'm sort of stuck when it comes to my blog. 

Watch me say something else entirely next week! 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Yes.  And I'm as surprised as you are!  I'm also very happy, and my husband is downright thrilled!

It's really way too early to be announcing this--I'm only a few weeks along and haven't told my family or anything.  But since this blog is anonymous, I don't feel terribly vulnerable talking about it.  I wanted to explain why I went missing for a bit and also why I might be blogging less often, or differently, or whatever, going forward. 

Immediate thoughts related to the topic of this blog: my eating will have to change for the better, and of course I'm concerned about my history of binging.  I'm concerned about being obese and the possibility of gestational diabetes and preeclampsia.  But more than that, I'm simply happy and determined to make smart choices and to enjoy my pregnancy (this is my first ever) as much as possible.

I don't think I will report my daily food anymore, because I feel paranoid about the possibility of being scrutinized and attacked.  People have such strong opinions about nutrition as it is, and they have even more regarding what to do/what not to do during pregnancy.  I'm not sure if I will continue to report my weight, either. Nevertheless, I will continue to blog honestly; I may not include as many exact details as before, but I will continue to talk honestly about what is going on with me at any given point.

More later, though I don't know when!  My mind is pretty much spinning with questions and to-do items and other stuff right now.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

FEW in review: March 26-April 1

Saw new lows on the gym scale twice this week, but eating and overall direction pretty sketchy right now.  I'm seeking clarity and trying to be aware of what I'm doing each day, and that's about all.

I'm going to be without regular internet access for a little while and am going to use this time to take a blogging break.  So I will pick up again in mid-April.  Happy Easter, everyone!

Monday, March 26:
KIND bar, turkey jerky
spinach gnocchi; piece of bread
chai tea latte; mocha (inattentive)
ham & cheese sandwich; Greek vanilla yogurt with raspberries and blackberries
estimated 40 minutes of walking

Tuesday, March 27:
small handful of turkey jerky; chips
small bowl of veg spaghetti with 3 meatballs
2 chicken burritos with sour cream
cherry Larabar and milk
30-40 minute walk and BodyPump class
gym scale says: 254

Wednesday, March 28:
KIND bar
breadsticks; personal pan pizza; glass of Mt. Dew
half a bean burrito

Thursday, March 29:
KIND bar; apple with peanut butter
pork, potatoes, corn, onions
honey roasted peanuts
graham crackers, hot cocoa with whipped cream

Friday, March 30:
8 Nutty bars
3 ice cream bars
4 shortcakes with whipped cream and berries
I binged all day and can't even remember what regular food I ate for meals.
I felt physically ill from this food.

Saturday, March 31 :
remaining 4 Nutty bars; KIND bar
chicken Caesar salad
turkey and pinto bean taco meat on bun, and equivalent amount without bun
(contained peppers, tomatoes, onions)
longer strength training circuit at gym
gym scale says: 253

Sunday, April 1:
turkey and pinto bean tacos with sour cream
cashews, graham crackers, peanut butter
chicken, roasted cauliflower, raisins