Monday, January 21, 2013

Bump in the road on the way to legalizing junk food

I believe that for me, long-term success in terms of weight stabilization and eating disorder recovery will involve the ability to have junk food in the house and not feel obsessive or compulsive around it. I'm getting there, but my legalization process has been thrown off a bit by new motherhood.

After I came home from the hospital, I started eating treats mindlessly again. The reason for this was fatigue and time constraints, moreso than emotional turmoil or a desire to return to old ways.

It takes time to eat a piece of cake mindfully. But when you are tired and the clock is speeding towards the next feeding or pumping session--and you'd also like to shower and squeeze a nap in there if you can--a 15 minute meditative eating experience with cake isn't going to happen. So what happens? You grab something and cram it in quickly, getting a quick hit of pleasure. Then you want another hit later, because you barely paid attention the first time...

Another thing that had me grabbing at pop tarts and trail mix several times a day was the lack of interest I have in cooking right now. I want pleasure and comfort and convenience, and I'm more focused on the baby than myself, so it's kind of a perfect storm for poor choices.

What to do? Well, I know if I make some sort of vow or plan (e.g. "keep all junk out of the house until blah blah blah") it will probably backfire. So I'm not doing that.

Basically, since I'm a little out of sorts right now and likely to make poor eating choices, I'm not going to go out of my way to acquire sweets in the near future. That is, I won't be stocking junk and immediately replacing it when things run out. Since I'm at home all the time and my husband is taking care of the grocery shopping for now, not much is coming my way unless I request it. If I really want something, I'll ask for it and try to find a quiet time to really savor it. (So far, I've only requested one treat from the store. But I didn't do so great with the savoring part!)

That's it, really. And I will re-asses the situation as needed. Later, I'll have longer stretches of time to myself (hopefully!) and I'll be grocery shopping again, and I expect to pick up where I left off before the birth.

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on the birth of your baby! Give yourself a break new momma. I'm glad you only see this as a Bump in the road bc that's all it is. You are doing great! Enjoy these days as they fly by so quickly. I hope you post a pic of baby TMI one day. Take care! Ashley