I always want something sweet at night. ALWAYS. I ate sweet(ish) breakfast cereals every morning for over 20 years, but now find I prefer eggs for breakfast. I don't need something sweet at lunch. In the middle of the afternoon, my sugary desires start to whisper. Sometimes it's more of a murmur, sometimes fairly loud chatter. But after dinner, it always ALWAYS morphs into a howl.
I had the best dinner tonight with a friend at a lovely restaurant. As soon as I got into my car to drive home, I wanted ice cream. I find this so frustrating.
I've tried many things--forbidding myself to eat after dinner. Allowing myself to only eat hard boiled eggs and celery sticks. Trying to listen to hunger cues, sort out my emotions, and snack "intuitively." Chugging water and drinking hot tea. Applying portion control to my favorite sugary foods. (Is "half a cup of ice cream" a real suggestion or a horrible joke?) Suffice it to say, none of these approaches have worked long-term, and in my frustration I have said "screw it" and let myself go off the rails nightly for months at a time...before trying yet another solution for my late-night eating urges.
I have to keep looking for a workable answer. So right now, I'm crafting a list of snacks I can enjoy without doing too much damage. Namely, snacks that have some nutritional merit, give me a hit of sweetness, and do not leave me wanting second or third or fourth servings. So far I have come up with:
oatmeal (with any of the following: spices, milk, honey/maple syrup, nuts, raisins or other fresh/dried fruits)
KIND bar, maybe Larabars now and then
glass of milk--sometimes that is enough, especially 2% or whole milk
protein smoothies, but I have to watch the size
a Chobani yogurt cup--I like to top various flavors with fresh blueberries and walnuts
celery with nut butter(s) and raisins/dates/cranberries/whatever
herbal tea--Yogi Egyptian licorice is sweet
I have all these things on hand, usually. I like that the list has hot, room temperature, and cold items. KIND bars sort of replace candy; milk, smoothies, and yogurt are good for when I'm craving ice cream (which is OFTEN); and oatmeal is grainy and carby and sort of a replacement for baked goods. I wonder if, besides oatmeal, I could be happy with a single whole grain waffle and a bit of maple syrup on those nights I want cake or cookies.
I know it's not IDEAL to eat if you aren't clearly physically hungry. I know many people eliminate nighttime eating altogether. But ideals are getting me nowhere; I need something realistic and doable NOW to move me in the right direction. My hope would be to build on this, eventually eating only half a serving of oatmeal, half a yogurt cup, or half a bar...maybe switching to less sugary stuff some nights out of the week...who knows from there...
I think I'll post this list on my fridge.
Anyone out there have other suggestions or tips for evening snacking?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
December 2011 FEW log recap
FEW means "Food, Exercise, and Weight"
When I started blogging in earnest, I listed my food in regular daily posts. But it quickly got confusing when I would skip posting a day here or there. I figured a separate tab/page was the way to go, so I switched to that format on December 13th.
Looking at December, I see that:
*I didn't exercise and hardly weighed myself
*I need to eat more vegetables and fruits; I don't even get one serving in daily on a consistent basis
*I've let my "lowish" carb intentions go out the window
*I stopped logging when I got busier than usual
*PMS is a bigger problem than I realized
My eating is just all over the place. This month, I plan to develop and stick to some basic go-to meals for breakfast and lunch and also have a set of acceptable options for post-dinner snacking. Dinner can involve more variety and spontaneity. It would be good to keep some emergency dinners in the freezer, though. There are nights I go out to eat because I don't want to cook, and I'm sure I would end up eating better if I had something reasonable in the freezer for such nights.
I'm going to slowly ramp up the exercise too. I'm taking part in Lyn's Fitness challenge by committing to 3 workouts a week--some combination of walking, yoga, and strength training.
*********************************************************************************
December 2011
December 31st:
Mongolian restaurant food (noodles, meats, veggies)
pink champagne; pistachio ice cream
almond coconut Kind bar
whey protein smoothie with banana and milk
cup of herbal tea
December 30th:
a couple of shortbread cookies slathered in cocoa-almond spread
tortilla chips with cheese, refried beans, and guacamole
a coffee with creamer and milk; hard candy
scrambled eggs with prosciutto
Weight is above 265 and below 270; on my home scale it's hard to tell exact numbers.
Just before Christmas I was almost down to 260, which would have been a new low.
December 25th-29th:
I can't even begin to recall. It's been a free-for-all with my family visiting. No exercise except for lots of walking one day (and afterwards I was painfully sore and stiff). I feel gross and unhealthy, and the past several days have given me lots to think about in terms of where I've come from (family legacies) and where I want to go--I'm talking about food, eating, addiction, and self-care here.
December 24th:
I forgot to record this day, but I know I didn't eat sweets.
December 23rd:
hectic day with some surprises in my schedule...
turkey chili
burger, fries, ice cream, soda (someone bought dinner for me)
crackers and cheese. It's just gonna be a mess until Christmas is over.
December 22nd:
my sister came over and we went grocery shopping for Christmas Day, and...well...I'm not convinced blowing the day was worth it. And the food made me headache-y too.
kind bar
salmon with collard greens
chicken salad with crackers; some plantain chips
2 slices of pizza with a glass of soda
eggnog and a bite of eggnog ice cream
2 pieces of English toffee, 2 hard candies
December 21st:
kind bar, Larabar
slice of cheese pizza
banana-whey protein smoothie
chicken breast on a bed of collard greens/mushrooms/onions
December 20th:
scrambled eggs
chicken burrito and collard greens
2 kind bars (a.m. and p.m.--the second Kind bar averted a binge! Hooray!
fried diner food--wish I would have turned my husband down on this one. I need to start saying no and suggesting other ways to spend time together besides dining out.
December 19th:
The PMS beast seems to have quieted. It didn't demand as many sacrifices today.
2 Kind bars
bison and okra curry with a piece of naan
part of an orange
piece of bread with butter
December 18:
didn't even fight it today. Had a "I'll restart Monday" mentality--not smart.
entire box of snack cakes full of trans fats, with a side of self-loathing and panic
some salmon, chicken, potatoes
2 Larabars with milk
(What are these vegetables you speak of? What is exercise? Never heard of it, apparently.)
December 17:
realized today I'm in the throes of PMS.
McDonald's
pasta
egg; dark greens sauteed with mushrooms, onions, and Canadian bacon
half of a tiny piece of cake my husband bought to surprise me
December 16:
burger, fries (not fast food)
half a tiny piece of carrot cake and some eggnog
hard candy
feeling pissy and unwilling to cook.
December 15:
leftover turkey tacos
grilled cheese sandwich
hard candy, ice cream, and 3 snack cakes
I had a choice between attending yoga class and having a binge...I chose to keep myself trapped in old patterns. :(
December 14:
blueberry Kind bar
eggs scrambled with Canadian bacon, mandarin orange
turkey tacos
glass of milk
December 13:
Grannysmith apple
skinny vanilla latte
apple cinnamon Kind bar
turkey sandwich, asparagus soup
pizza and a couple garlic knots
When I started blogging in earnest, I listed my food in regular daily posts. But it quickly got confusing when I would skip posting a day here or there. I figured a separate tab/page was the way to go, so I switched to that format on December 13th.
Looking at December, I see that:
*I didn't exercise and hardly weighed myself
*I need to eat more vegetables and fruits; I don't even get one serving in daily on a consistent basis
*I've let my "lowish" carb intentions go out the window
*I stopped logging when I got busier than usual
*PMS is a bigger problem than I realized
My eating is just all over the place. This month, I plan to develop and stick to some basic go-to meals for breakfast and lunch and also have a set of acceptable options for post-dinner snacking. Dinner can involve more variety and spontaneity. It would be good to keep some emergency dinners in the freezer, though. There are nights I go out to eat because I don't want to cook, and I'm sure I would end up eating better if I had something reasonable in the freezer for such nights.
I'm going to slowly ramp up the exercise too. I'm taking part in Lyn's Fitness challenge by committing to 3 workouts a week--some combination of walking, yoga, and strength training.
*********************************************************************************
December 2011
December 31st:
Mongolian restaurant food (noodles, meats, veggies)
pink champagne; pistachio ice cream
almond coconut Kind bar
whey protein smoothie with banana and milk
cup of herbal tea
December 30th:
a couple of shortbread cookies slathered in cocoa-almond spread
tortilla chips with cheese, refried beans, and guacamole
a coffee with creamer and milk; hard candy
scrambled eggs with prosciutto
Weight is above 265 and below 270; on my home scale it's hard to tell exact numbers.
Just before Christmas I was almost down to 260, which would have been a new low.
December 25th-29th:
I can't even begin to recall. It's been a free-for-all with my family visiting. No exercise except for lots of walking one day (and afterwards I was painfully sore and stiff). I feel gross and unhealthy, and the past several days have given me lots to think about in terms of where I've come from (family legacies) and where I want to go--I'm talking about food, eating, addiction, and self-care here.
December 24th:
I forgot to record this day, but I know I didn't eat sweets.
December 23rd:
hectic day with some surprises in my schedule...
turkey chili
burger, fries, ice cream, soda (someone bought dinner for me)
crackers and cheese. It's just gonna be a mess until Christmas is over.
December 22nd:
my sister came over and we went grocery shopping for Christmas Day, and...well...I'm not convinced blowing the day was worth it. And the food made me headache-y too.
kind bar
salmon with collard greens
chicken salad with crackers; some plantain chips
2 slices of pizza with a glass of soda
eggnog and a bite of eggnog ice cream
2 pieces of English toffee, 2 hard candies
December 21st:
kind bar, Larabar
slice of cheese pizza
banana-whey protein smoothie
chicken breast on a bed of collard greens/mushrooms/onions
December 20th:
scrambled eggs
chicken burrito and collard greens
2 kind bars (a.m. and p.m.--the second Kind bar averted a binge! Hooray!
fried diner food--wish I would have turned my husband down on this one. I need to start saying no and suggesting other ways to spend time together besides dining out.
December 19th:
The PMS beast seems to have quieted. It didn't demand as many sacrifices today.
2 Kind bars
bison and okra curry with a piece of naan
part of an orange
piece of bread with butter
December 18:
didn't even fight it today. Had a "I'll restart Monday" mentality--not smart.
entire box of snack cakes full of trans fats, with a side of self-loathing and panic
some salmon, chicken, potatoes
2 Larabars with milk
(What are these vegetables you speak of? What is exercise? Never heard of it, apparently.)
December 17:
realized today I'm in the throes of PMS.
McDonald's
pasta
egg; dark greens sauteed with mushrooms, onions, and Canadian bacon
half of a tiny piece of cake my husband bought to surprise me
December 16:
burger, fries (not fast food)
half a tiny piece of carrot cake and some eggnog
hard candy
feeling pissy and unwilling to cook.
December 15:
leftover turkey tacos
grilled cheese sandwich
hard candy, ice cream, and 3 snack cakes
I had a choice between attending yoga class and having a binge...I chose to keep myself trapped in old patterns. :(
December 14:
blueberry Kind bar
eggs scrambled with Canadian bacon, mandarin orange
turkey tacos
glass of milk
December 13:
Grannysmith apple
skinny vanilla latte
apple cinnamon Kind bar
turkey sandwich, asparagus soup
pizza and a couple garlic knots
Monday, January 2, 2012
December 2011 Decluttering Recap
Edit, edit, edit, in all things.
I enjoy the practice of letting go of one thing each day. It makes room for the new: whether that means a new and more useful object, perspective, or accomplishment. It forces me to think about what I want the most, to understand my own tastes and values better, and to acquire things more carefully. When it's really working its magic, it leads to feelings of abundance; I realize I have so much that I can let stuff go and not even miss it. I like what it does for my house, too; some of my family members have packrat tendencies, so I tend to watch myself a bit in this area.
I'm going to create a running list of stuff I've thrown or given away here. What can you bear to part with? What is cluttering up your home and mind?
December 2011
December 1st: shredded old financial aid papers from college.
December 2nd: gave a body spray to my sister. Had used it a handful of times since I bought it in 2008 and the bottle was still 99% full. She's into perfumes and sprays; I'm not.
December 3rd: ped egg. Had used it once in 2008 and it tore up my feet!
December 4th: old glitter-encrusted gingerbread ornament from years ago. Tonight, while decorating the tree, I realized I haven't hung it in years because I don't really like it.
December 5th: an old bottled marinade that was going to sit in the fridge for eternity and never be used up. (Fridge doors are like museums, I swear. "Hey, look at this whim from 2009! And you bought this for a recipe in 2010 and never used it again!")
December 6th: empty wine bottle that I was apparently holding on to for future decorating purposes, but now can't foresee myself decorating with it. Into the recycling it goes.
December 7th: old orange-flavored olive oil that I was never, ever going to use up.
December 8th: ratty $3 flip flops that dig into my feet and hurt.
December 9th: guitar-shaped Hard Rock cafe pin that I never wore; put it into my box of stuff to donate.
December 10th: extra microwave going to Goodwill. It's from our old apartment and has been sitting in the attic since we moved into our house, which has a built-in microwave in the kitchen.
December 11th: added bra to Goodwill box.
December 12th: added bra to Goodwill box.
December 13th: added bra to Goodwill box (all bras barely used; don't support me).
December 14th: old, sticky, mislabeled plastic jars of bulk herbs and spices (transferred contents to clean empty glass jars, labeled the jars with a labelmaker, and threw plastic away. Pantry looks so much nicer now).
December 15th: old spice rack.
December 16th: worn, creased, cheap folders.
December 17th: random papers cluttering up the office.
December 18th: a job search guide that I don't need in paper format; more up-to-date information is available online.
December 19th: wrapped up an old set of Russian nesting dolls as a Christmas gift for someone that decorates with those sorts of things.
December 20th: another old-school decoration wrapped for the same person. Looking forward to watching her open her little box of treasures--a mix of old and new stuff!
December 21st: brought the microwave and box of women's clothes, pillowcases, sheets, and curtains to Goodwill. I had been designating stuff for that box long before I started this blog. I actually felt lighter driving away from the Goodwill store.
December 22nd: old stinky pair of shoes.
December 23rd: another crappy pair of shoes that was falling apart and provided no support.
December 24th: gave a bottle of chromium supplements to my sister because I switched brands and dosage.
December 25th: canister of vanilla whey protein powder given away because I don't like the flavor.
December 26th: dried floral supplies given away.
December 27th: wall hanging given away.
December 28th: 2 decorative vases given away.
December 29th: throw pillow given away.
December 30th: returned 2 dvds to my dad that had been in my house for a year.
December 31st: pair of too-small exercise pants given to my sister, who used them and liked them while she was visiting.
I enjoy the practice of letting go of one thing each day. It makes room for the new: whether that means a new and more useful object, perspective, or accomplishment. It forces me to think about what I want the most, to understand my own tastes and values better, and to acquire things more carefully. When it's really working its magic, it leads to feelings of abundance; I realize I have so much that I can let stuff go and not even miss it. I like what it does for my house, too; some of my family members have packrat tendencies, so I tend to watch myself a bit in this area.
I'm going to create a running list of stuff I've thrown or given away here. What can you bear to part with? What is cluttering up your home and mind?
December 2011
December 1st: shredded old financial aid papers from college.
December 2nd: gave a body spray to my sister. Had used it a handful of times since I bought it in 2008 and the bottle was still 99% full. She's into perfumes and sprays; I'm not.
December 3rd: ped egg. Had used it once in 2008 and it tore up my feet!
December 4th: old glitter-encrusted gingerbread ornament from years ago. Tonight, while decorating the tree, I realized I haven't hung it in years because I don't really like it.
December 5th: an old bottled marinade that was going to sit in the fridge for eternity and never be used up. (Fridge doors are like museums, I swear. "Hey, look at this whim from 2009! And you bought this for a recipe in 2010 and never used it again!")
December 6th: empty wine bottle that I was apparently holding on to for future decorating purposes, but now can't foresee myself decorating with it. Into the recycling it goes.
December 7th: old orange-flavored olive oil that I was never, ever going to use up.
December 8th: ratty $3 flip flops that dig into my feet and hurt.
December 9th: guitar-shaped Hard Rock cafe pin that I never wore; put it into my box of stuff to donate.
December 10th: extra microwave going to Goodwill. It's from our old apartment and has been sitting in the attic since we moved into our house, which has a built-in microwave in the kitchen.
December 11th: added bra to Goodwill box.
December 12th: added bra to Goodwill box.
December 13th: added bra to Goodwill box (all bras barely used; don't support me).
December 14th: old, sticky, mislabeled plastic jars of bulk herbs and spices (transferred contents to clean empty glass jars, labeled the jars with a labelmaker, and threw plastic away. Pantry looks so much nicer now).
December 15th: old spice rack.
December 16th: worn, creased, cheap folders.
December 17th: random papers cluttering up the office.
December 18th: a job search guide that I don't need in paper format; more up-to-date information is available online.
December 19th: wrapped up an old set of Russian nesting dolls as a Christmas gift for someone that decorates with those sorts of things.
December 20th: another old-school decoration wrapped for the same person. Looking forward to watching her open her little box of treasures--a mix of old and new stuff!
December 21st: brought the microwave and box of women's clothes, pillowcases, sheets, and curtains to Goodwill. I had been designating stuff for that box long before I started this blog. I actually felt lighter driving away from the Goodwill store.
December 22nd: old stinky pair of shoes.
December 23rd: another crappy pair of shoes that was falling apart and provided no support.
December 24th: gave a bottle of chromium supplements to my sister because I switched brands and dosage.
December 25th: canister of vanilla whey protein powder given away because I don't like the flavor.
December 26th: dried floral supplies given away.
December 27th: wall hanging given away.
December 28th: 2 decorative vases given away.
December 29th: throw pillow given away.
December 30th: returned 2 dvds to my dad that had been in my house for a year.
December 31st: pair of too-small exercise pants given to my sister, who used them and liked them while she was visiting.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
December 2011 Rewards Recap
You can reward, comfort, and indulge yourself with food...or you can choose other ways of being kind to yourself. Buying nice things for yourself certainly isn't the only alternative to junk food, but right now I like the practice of tying small purchases to good behavior (the behavior I'm tracking is abstinence from dessert). The way I see it, I would buy myself mascara, shampoo, and conditioner anyway--but why not wait until I have a reason to reward myself before making the purchase? And why not spend a buck or two more on a nicer product, instead of spending as little as possible and then turning around and buying overpriced junk from some coffee shop the next moment?
I can't tell you how many times I spent about $8 on shampoo and conditioner at Wal-mart, then drove straight to Starbucks and dropped $10-$12 on a latte and pastries. Wouldn't it be better to spend $20 on fantastic hair products?
Looking at my records for December 2011, I see that:
I ate desserts 18 days out of the month, and skipped them 13 days. So I reached for food when I wanted pleasure and stress relief more often than not.
The longest streak I had of skipping dessert was 4 consecutive days.
The longest streak of eating dessert was 7 consecutive days--the last week of the year.
I know I can do better this month!
DECEMBER 2011 DAY-BY-DAY
Dec 1: glittery snowflake ornaments (1-0)
Dec 2: had sweets (1-1)
Dec 3: glittery star ornaments (2-1)
Dec 4: a book about the plants associated with Christmas (3-1)
Dec 5: nice soapdish for bathroom (4-1)
Dec 6: small fiber optic Christmas tree for guest space (5-1)
Dec 7: had sweets (5-2)
Dec 8: had sweets (5-3)
Dec 9: good shampoo and conditioner (6-3)
Dec 10: had sweets (6-4)
Dec 11: new mascara (7-4)
Dec 12: had sweets (7-5)
Dec 13: space heater for my freezing cold bathroom! (8-5)
Dec 14: tree topper for fiber optic Christmas tree (9-5)
Dec 15: had sweets (9-6)
Dec 16: had sweets (9-7)
Dec 17: had sweets (9-8)
Dec 18: had sweets (9-9)
Dec 19: got manicure(10-9)
Dec 20: downloaded a movie on my laptop (11-9)
Dec 21: downloaded another movie on my laptop (12-9)
Dec 22: had sweets (12-10)
Dec 23: had sweets (12-11)
Dec 24: went to the movies (13-11)
Dec 25: had sweets (13-12)
Dec 26: had sweets (13-13)
Dec 27: had sweets (13-14)
Dec 28: had sweets (13-15)
Dec 29: had sweets (13-16)
Dec 30: had sweets (13-17)
Dec 31: had sweets (13-18)
I can't tell you how many times I spent about $8 on shampoo and conditioner at Wal-mart, then drove straight to Starbucks and dropped $10-$12 on a latte and pastries. Wouldn't it be better to spend $20 on fantastic hair products?
Looking at my records for December 2011, I see that:
I ate desserts 18 days out of the month, and skipped them 13 days. So I reached for food when I wanted pleasure and stress relief more often than not.
The longest streak I had of skipping dessert was 4 consecutive days.
The longest streak of eating dessert was 7 consecutive days--the last week of the year.
I know I can do better this month!
DECEMBER 2011 DAY-BY-DAY
Dec 1: glittery snowflake ornaments (1-0)
Dec 2: had sweets (1-1)
Dec 3: glittery star ornaments (2-1)
Dec 4: a book about the plants associated with Christmas (3-1)
Dec 5: nice soapdish for bathroom (4-1)
Dec 6: small fiber optic Christmas tree for guest space (5-1)
Dec 7: had sweets (5-2)
Dec 8: had sweets (5-3)
Dec 9: good shampoo and conditioner (6-3)
Dec 10: had sweets (6-4)
Dec 11: new mascara (7-4)
Dec 12: had sweets (7-5)
Dec 13: space heater for my freezing cold bathroom! (8-5)
Dec 14: tree topper for fiber optic Christmas tree (9-5)
Dec 15: had sweets (9-6)
Dec 16: had sweets (9-7)
Dec 17: had sweets (9-8)
Dec 18: had sweets (9-9)
Dec 19: got manicure(10-9)
Dec 20: downloaded a movie on my laptop (11-9)
Dec 21: downloaded another movie on my laptop (12-9)
Dec 22: had sweets (12-10)
Dec 23: had sweets (12-11)
Dec 24: went to the movies (13-11)
Dec 25: had sweets (13-12)
Dec 26: had sweets (13-13)
Dec 27: had sweets (13-14)
Dec 28: had sweets (13-15)
Dec 29: had sweets (13-16)
Dec 30: had sweets (13-17)
Dec 31: had sweets (13-18)
I believe
I believe I can change my body and my life in 2012.
But I'm looking no further than January at the moment. What small changes can I realistically make this month to start moving forward?
Well, I'm taking part in a fitness challenge organized by Lyn during the first 14 weeks of the year. I'm going to start working my body again, slowly and respectfully and patiently.
I won't say I've got an eating plan written in stone, but I've got various experiments in mind that I want to conduct to find out what is going to work best for me over the long haul.
I'm going to take better care of my skin and my appearance in general, and try to get my sleep schedule back on track. I want to start meditating. I accept that this will not all fall into place simultaneously.
I want my year, my life, my schedule to be simpler than years past, so I can focus on getting really valuable things done.
Time is so, so precious. It's all we have. Here's to a wonderful 2012!
But I'm looking no further than January at the moment. What small changes can I realistically make this month to start moving forward?
Well, I'm taking part in a fitness challenge organized by Lyn during the first 14 weeks of the year. I'm going to start working my body again, slowly and respectfully and patiently.
I won't say I've got an eating plan written in stone, but I've got various experiments in mind that I want to conduct to find out what is going to work best for me over the long haul.
I'm going to take better care of my skin and my appearance in general, and try to get my sleep schedule back on track. I want to start meditating. I accept that this will not all fall into place simultaneously.
I want my year, my life, my schedule to be simpler than years past, so I can focus on getting really valuable things done.
Time is so, so precious. It's all we have. Here's to a wonderful 2012!
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